TRANSLATE PLZ !

Can you translate for me ? :

- Bonjour madame !
- Bonjour messieurs ...
- Qu'est ce qui vous amène ?
- Hé bien, depuis quelques semaines je me sent mal, j'ai des nausées, je suis allé voir mon médecin mais il ne trouve rien, les médicaments ne font aucuns effets. Voilà les resultats des analyses et les radios ...
- Ho ... J'ai une mauvaise nouvelle mais vous allez mourir.
- Quoi ?!
- Non c'est une blague, vous avez un cancer.
- Haha, encore une blague, n'est ce pas ?
- Humm .. Non, désolé.
- Mais, mais ... Que va t'il se passer ?
- Ne vous en faites pas, nous sommes des médecins très réputés, une petite opération et plus rien !
- Une opération ... Vous êtes chirurgiens ?
- Les meilleurs ! Revenez donc nous voir dans une semaine, nous allons préparer l'opération.
- Bien ... Très bien ...
(la nana part ...)
-Tu es sur que c'est une bonne idée de l'opérer ?
- Écoute, je n'ai pas fait toutes ces années d'études pour être médecin de campagne, je veux être un chirurgien !
- Bien, alors ... renvoyons nous demain pour préparer notre première opération !

(le lendemain)

- Salut !
- Salut ! En forme ?
- Ouais, merci.
- Alors ... voilà comment on va procéder ... Regarde, on va inciser ici ... la tumeur se trouve là, entre le cœur et le foi ... Il suffira de l'enlever ... Puis je te laisserais recoudre ... comme ça.
- La difficulté sera de ne pas toucher d'artères ... La tumeur est impressionnante, tu crois vraiment que tu peux y arriver ?
- Bien sur ! Je suis le meilleur ! Je suis un artiste !
- Ouais ... ouais ...
- HAHAHAHAHA
- Tu es complétement fou ...
- Moi ? fou ? Non, je suis unique ! Je suis génial.
- Et si elle crève ?! On a même pas le droit de l'opérer !
- Tu n'as pas confiance en moi ? Sans moi tu n'es rien ! Sans moi tu es à la rue !
- Mais ...
- Ta gueule ! Je suis ton maitre ! Tu me dois le respect !
- Bien ..
- Je programme l'opération pour demain, tiens toi prêt !

(le lendemain)

- Voilà madame ... Nous allons vous endormir, comptez jusqu'à 10 ...
- One, two, three ...
- Ok boss, c'est prêt !
- Scalpel !
- Ciseaux !
- Scalpel !
- Portable !
... C'était une blague.
- HO FUCK !
- Mais non c'est rien ...
- MAIS ELLE PERD DU SANG ! ELLE VA CREVER !
- Ne t'en fais pas, je contrôle, juste une égratinure.
- Mais c'est quoi ça ?!!
- Ho, ce n'est rien, justes ses boyaux ...

- HAAAAAAAAAAA (la nana se réveille ...)

(le second médecin lui donne un coup sur la tête pour la faire se rendormir, la suite ne sera que des gestes pas besoin de traduction !)




THANKS, FOR WENESDAY IF IS IT POSSIBLE PLZZZ !

Hie!
Hir sir.

- so tell me, what's wrong?
- for a couple of weeks, I don't feel good. I got nauseas. I went to see my doctor, but he didn't find anything. The medecine doesn't make any effect... Here are the results of the scans
- Oh I have a bad news... aparently, you are going to die.
- What?!
- No i am only joking. But you have a cancer...
- Hehe that's a joke again isn't it?
- Euh, not this time. Sorry about that.
- But...but what's gonna happen then?
- don't worry! we are very famous doctors. A tiny little surgery and you'll get better!
- a surgery? are you... surgeon?
- actually we are the best! Just come back in a week of time, we will get everything ready.
- alright alright...
( the girl goes away... besoin de traduire ca?)

-Are you sure it's a good idea to do a such thing? ( je sais pas dire operer)
- Listen, I did not study medecine for all those year to finally be a miserable doctor of nothing! I DO want to be a surgeon!
-Ok...so let's meet again tomorow to prepare our firt surgery.

( the next day )

-Hi!
-hey! how are you getting on today?
- fine thanks
- good. So this is our plan, look: We are going to make an incision here, The tumour is situated right there between the heart and the liver. All we have to do is taking it off, and then i'll let you sew him, like that.
- The tricky thing is to avoid tuching the arteries.The tumour is really amazing. Are you sure you can do it?
- Off course I can. I am the best. I simply am an artist!
- yeah..that's it.
- HAHAHA
- you are crazy...
- Me? crazy? No, I am unique! I am awesome!
- And what if she die? we are not even allowed to operate her...
- Don't you trust in me? You are just nothing without me, a homeless!( un mendiant)
- But
- Just shut the fuck up! I am your boss! And you have to respect me!
- fine...
- I am planning the surgery for tomorow, make sure you are ready!

( Next day...)

- dear madam... We are now about to make you falling asleep. Compt to ten...
- one two three....
- ok boss. it's ready
-scalpel!
-cisors!
-scalpel!
-mobile! ... no that was a joke.
-hey! what's happening?!
-It's allright! it's ok! no panic
-But she is loosing all her blood she is going to die!
- Don't worry everything is under control this is just a tiny sore
- But what the fuck is that?!!
- Ho, obviously that's just her bowels...
- AAAAAAAAAAAH (girl waking up)

( the second doctor bang her head to make her fall asleep again... the following are just gestures, no need to translate...ah ok^^)

certainement quelques problemes avec les temps pour la phrase en italique.
et je suis pas sure pour les mots suivant: le verbe operer, foi, recoudre, endormir. Enfin ceux que j'ai ecris ne sont pas exactement ceux la, mais peuvent fonctionner je pense.

C'est drole c'est pour quoi?

Here's my translation:






- Good morning
madam!


- Good morning sirs...


- May I help you?


- Well, since a few weeks ago I feel sick, I have
nauseas, I went to the doctor but he can’t find anything, medicines have no
effect. Here are the results from my blood test and X-rays...


- Hmm... This looks bad for you, we are going to die.


- What???


- I’m kidding, you have cancer.


- You are kidding, aren’t you?


- I’m sorry.


- But, but what will happen?


- Don’t worry; we are very famous doctors, a small
operation and nothing else!


- An operation? Are you surgeons?


- The best ones! Come back in one week, we will prepare
the operation.


- Well, OK...


- (The girl leaves...)


- Are you sure it’s a good idea to do this operation?


- Listen, I didn’t do all these years of studies to be a
countryside doctor, I want to be a surgeon!


- So, see you tomorrow to prepare the operation.


(The day after)


- Hi!


- How’re you doing?


- I’m well, cheers.


- So, here is how we are going to do, look, we will make
an incision, the tumour is here, between the heart and the liver, then you will
take it off... then you will stitch up... like that!


- The difficulty is not to cut an artery... The tumour is
very huge, do you really think you can succeed?


- Of course I can! I’m the best, I’m an artist!


- Yeah, well.


- Hahaha!


- You are a mad man.


- Me? Mad? I’m unique, I’m awesome!


- What if she dies? We are not even allowed to operate
her.


- Do you not trust me? Without me we are nothing, you are
in the street!


- But...


- Shut up! I’m your master!


- OK.


- I schedule the operation for tomorrow, be ready!


(The day after)


- Here we are madam, we will put you to sleep, count till
10.


- One, two, three...


- Alright boss, everything’s ready.


- Scalpel.


- Scissors.


- Mobile phone.


... I’m just kidding!


- You are crazy, she is losing blood, she’s dying!


- Don’t worry, I have control, just a scratch.


- But what is that?


- Nothing, just the entrails


- Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (The girl is waking up)


(The second doctor hit her to put her to sleep again*!)



I've double check every difficult word.
But for some words it depends on where the action take place. I did generic British English.
What is it for?

THANKS A LOT, It's a sketch for my english cours.